Why it’s ok to go to bed angry

I remember hearing Don’t go to bed angry so much as marriage advice, but is that actually helpful? I was thinking about this the other night, Alex and I had an argument over something completely silly. We were both tired and stuck in being the one who is right. 

After a few minutes of back and forth, we each gave up and went to sleep. When I woke up the following morning I did think of the argument, mostly of how unnecessary it had been, but I was not mad. I was able to clearly see Alex’s side of the argument and realize that it really shouldn’t have even turned into one. When Alex woke up, he didn’t even remember the argument. I had to remind him what it was about, to which he said Really? Now, I wouldn’t say that this goes for all arguments, there are some things that you will be just as angry about or worse when you wake up. But, in the case of our silliness, the sleep is just what we needed.  

When sleep won’t help the problem, it may still be best to cut it short and go to bed. Maybe something major has gone awry in your marriage, will you actually get it resolved in your state of tiredness, anger or hurt? Coming back to the situation the following day could help you find a better solution than yelling back and forth with one another. This will allow you to process your feelings and realize exactly what has happened and how it has affected you, your family and your marriage. You may want to consider a mediator or speaking with a therapist to get each of you through the situation. 

Going to bed may keep you from saying something you don’t mean. We all get in the heat of the moment sometimes and say something that we immediately regret. This just adds to the argument and makes your spouse defensive. It’s best to cut your losses early and revisit the situation with a clear, well-rested mind in the morning. 

Have you ever thought about what could contribute to an argument? 

A few popular reasons you or your loved one may be more irritable than usual

  • Not enough sleep
  • Hunger – being hangry is definitely a thing and can cause major irritability
  • Stress – Stress can have many different effects on our minds and bodies. We may become irritable, defensive and anxious.
  • Alcohol – did someone have a little too much to drink?

All of these factors can make even the smallest of things something to argue about. So if one or multiple of these factors is true, you may want to hit the pause button and get some rest.

Are you one of those people who has a hard time sleeping when angry, some studies have shown that distracting yourself with something you enjoy for about 20 minutes before bed will counteract the anger. 

So next time it’s late and you’re arguing about who opened the milk, What will you do? Do you think staying up late to figure it out is best, or just go to sleep and it will blow over? 


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